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Losing childhood: Rat race leads to dip in Indian kids' EQ -Times Of India
MUMBAI: Indian parents often goad their babies to not grow up fast. If childhood is about magic, it is vanishing even before it is lived. In fact children are indeed growing up fast, speeding past the springtime of their lives, say psychiatrists who connect that to the falling levels of emotional quotient. The warm hugs, the tiny kisses, a ride on the Ferris wheel, a family camping trip, vanishing into a book with mum, playing chess against dad, are all now just cloying instances tucked away in fables.
"The EQ among our children is on the decline. They have a lower threshold for tolerance, they are easily depressed, their coping ability has reduced and complexity has gone up. Seven- and eight-year-olds talk of violent acts and of dying these days," says psychiatrist Dr Nirmala Rao.
The new toys like Angry Birds, Crime Life: Gang Wars and other ultraviolent games don't score too well in enriching EQ. Our cities' kids-unfriendly design doesn't help either: you need to go to a hill station even for a horse ride or to spend time under a waterfall.
Peggy Mohan, an English teacher with a Delhi school, says, "We are living in tiny cocoons. Our children are like aliens who've ventured into the adult space. They are as nice as ever, but they do not have the sense of the landscape they live in."
A textbook on EQ records an experiment on two sets of children sitting in front of a bowl full of marshmallows. They are told that those who would wait can pick two marshmallows, and those wanting them immediately would have to be happy with just one. Those who waited were later tracked in life: they were happier, scored better in school and went on to have strong family bonds.
"Teaching children to wait is so important. But a BlackBerry is given as soon as it demanded, then there is an instant ice cream, an laptop handed out immediately after it is asked for. Instant gratification is bringing down the EQ," explains psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty.
Kids hold more power, less discipline; they order, but take fewer orders and PG (parental guidance) is just an inane abbreviation that pops up before some movies. "Children these days know that they don't have to obey someone just because they are older or in a position of authority. While we would blindly follow the instructions of any elder including a teacher, an aunt, parents or even a neighbour, when we were young, children these days choose who they want to listen to," says Krithika N V who teaches in a playschool in Chennai and is also a mother to two children aged three and eight.
Is parenting to be blamed for that? "Partly," say experts. Mohan mocks at the idea; she says, "Parents are barely seeing their kids."
And the stay-home mums have denounced the soft cuddling style of parenting they were brought up on. Instead they are Amy Chua worshipers who put their kids through tough parenting. "Parents squeeze all kinds of classes into a day. Kids start going for swimming, but soon their parents push them to clock better timings. It's about competing, winning, rarely ever about the joy of learning," says a school head.
Schools have realized they are working with several students whose emotional ability is fractured and are trying to amend the situation. "We have been organizing events to increase interaction among students. We are also organizing a weeklong event called 'dare to care' to sensitize students," said Jamnabai Narsee School principal Sudeshna Chatterjee.
At Indus International, Bangalore, children are put through community service from day one. Says principal Sarojini Rao, "The changing times and the exposure our children are put through, made us feel that the manner in which we are bringing up our children is wrong. In our times, we had moral lectures. They no longer work. So, we make our children work in orphanages, in public health centres, and without realizing they imbibe the virtues of love, empathy and respect."
Children absorb from the culture, from the space around them. So, Dr Shetty adds that there are other ways to enrich their EQ. "The ambience matters; feelings should be spoken about generously, they matter more than thoughts."
(With inputs from Sharanya Gautam in Chennai)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lathaa Manavalan on
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How do you know if your child has emotional intelligence? He has a good EQ (emotional quotient) if your child is very popular If your child has self-control If your child is adaptable and friendly If your child is persistent If your child can empathise You can teach your child how to make friends, overcome failures and succeed in life.
How can you raise your child's EQ?
Encourage him to care for others
Teach him the importance of being honest
Teach him to apologise for his mistakes
Teach him to approach problems optimistically
Praise him for good deeds
Participate in all that he does
Don't be too bossy .
Emotional intelligence is more important than IQ levels because IQ cannot be changed, whereas EQ can be enhanced, said Dr Lyen.
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Permalink Reply by Sakshi (Moderator) on
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Lathaaji,Very Precious words
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Permalink Reply by Rajiv on
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Its a good article to initiate a thinking process in mind of we the parents....
Are we actually giving our children the childhood they should get? Why do we think that Competition is the only thing important in world. Do we ever realise ourselves the importance of Cooperation.
I feel we all should learn the art of parenting.......... Understanding a child and giving him a natural enviornment to grow to his full potential. Let a seed be given a freedom to develop in to a tree rather than getting converted in to a LIving Room BONSAI.............
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@Rajiv You are spot on.
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Rajiv ji,
We say a lot of politically correct things but when it comes to implementations and following we fall short.
Recently i met a very good old friend of mine after a long gap. This friend of mine is very well educated and one of very strong proponenents of Holistic education and dead against pure academics. Now when i asked him about how his kids are doing in school he started boasting on how his daughter is in top 3 in her class ( based on the academics). this is not an isolated incidence but i hv seen that we chat a lot about the modern new concept of holistic education but when we assess our own children or compare their performance with other kids (be it be classmates or friends) we sub conciously rate them on the academic performance, that is what makes IQ more important.
So the crux is that we should make ourselves also open to change and implement it too
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I feel EQ is more important than IQ for success in real world.
The basic IQ test is designed to test our math and reading comprehension.
But there have been many studies that show IQ only accounts for about 20% of our success. The major attributes of success are our social and emotional intelligence. Yet there is very little emphasis put on emotional intelligence. Only a handful of schools have any formal programs that address emotional intelligence.
In his book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman says, "People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of the mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought."
It has been said that your IQ can land you a job but your lack of EQ can get you fired. Your IQ only accounts for 20% of your success in life. Your emotional intelligence and social intelligence are much greater determinants of the success you will achieve in life.
IQ's may be based on a student's level of knowledge but EQ's are the level of a student's ability to emotionally judge situations and/or fit into groups by managing their personal interactions.
EQ or Emotional Quotient is a measure of your ability to notice and then manage your interior and exterior perceptions of your feelings and then control your reactions. Your mood will always control your ability to resolve problems making this an important skill to develop and use. Using a well developed EQ will help you manage your emotions. And developing a higher EQ can be done quite easily.
IQ or Intelligence Quotient is a measure of intelligence. A way to rate this for any individual is by taking an IQ test. An IQ test measures different types of abilities:verbal, memory, mathematical, spatial, and reasoning. This test has a preset standard based on a representative group of the population. The majority of people rank in at about 90-110. Generally, IQ tests actually test general intelligence. Many experts feel IQ tests are a measure of an individual's problem solving ability and not an actual measure of general intelligence.
For Modern times IQ, EQ and SQ (social ability) are desirable.
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A very relevant article this is in context to the present day changing parenting trends.
Charles Darwin had said in his theory " "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." . The psychiatrist community woke up late to understand what darwin had put long time back. It was only after Dr. Danilel Goleman who worked and propogated the EIq model and convincingly pitted it against the conventional IQ model that nowadays we hear more of EIq.
Below is a very usefull video we all must watch and ponder
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more info and knowledge about Danlel Goleman can be digged at http://danielgoleman.info/
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Rahul Ji
New path chosen are always difficult one. I have already made the beginning in my case. I am a firm believer it would yield positive results.
This is not simply about EQ but having a much wider outlook on parenting, and our expectations from children. We need to think and change ourselves so as to let our children grow naturally.
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Rahulji and Rajivji,i want to ask you sometthing, in today's scenario schools chose us( after applying in 25 schools)rather we opting for school if you get in school that is of not your ideology ,what will you do
Last year we had many cases where parents shifted to noida/took admission inncr schools, as they cud not get admission and parents who got admission want to change the school this year but in KG does not have many vacancy
so whether its academic based or not ,BEGGARS CANNOT BE CHOOSERS.
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Hi Sakshi
We are "beggars" because we hold brand image of some school in our eyes so high, without even analyzing whether that school actually suits my child or me. What is Good for You might not be Good for me.....We have made them a prestige symbol. It is a never ending Rat Race. There are schools which are unable to fill seats throughout the year.
We do not know our role in schooling process and therefore expect schools as the Magicians who would turn the fortune of our child. Its a time to revisit our philosophy ...........
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